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Right now your request is being handwritten in ye olde English letters using an organic black ink and sterling silver quill-tip pen on a piece of 8-1/2" x 11" watermarked, eggshell white 100% cotton bond paper by a skilled artisan trained in the art of calligraphy by Tibetan monks who accept but a single apprentice every century.

Your illuminated text is then carefully folded into thirds, each section demarcation carefully measured by a titanium metal ruler whose individual millimeter marks were engineered to exceed the requirements specified by the top rocket scientists at NASA, and then sharply creased using the polished flat blade of a katana sword rumored to be forged by Muramasa the legendary 16th century samurai swordsmith.

A perfect one-inch diameter of red melted wax is then applied to the folded sheet of paper, and a platinum embossing stamp is used to imprint your company's logo in the cooling, hardened wax.

Your message is then gently placed by white-gloved hands onto a velvet pillow accented with antique lace and taken to our resident Falconeer who chooses the best and most reliable of our trained Falco peregrinus (Peregrine Falcons) to speed your message into the waiting hands of only our most experienced and dedicated retail fixture professionals.

The friendly, knowledgeable, and helpful fixture expert selected to assist you fought for this coveted honor in our battle arena, where they emerged victorious after narrowly defeating their peers in exhausting feats of product knowledge and customer service.

That gladiator of service is even now researching the information you requested and will be in touch with you soon!

If you'd need a faster response during business hours (Monday - Friday 8am to 5pm EST), call us toll-free at 1-800-576-7577 to speak in-person -- We are waiting to help. 


Midwest Retail Services: 7920 Industrial Parkway, Plain City, OH 43064
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